SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN c) Donfeld/Powell
Debutantes
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN
UNBELIEVABLY, SHE’S ON AN EGO TRIP
BUT HER EGO’S GOING TO FALL
I CAN HEAR THE DEARIE BAWL
WHEN SHE SEES HER EGO’S ON A SINKING SHIP.
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN.
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN.
Opal
SHE WILL SINK LIKE THE TITANIC
I CAN SEE THE DARLING PANIC
WHEN SHE KNOWS THAT IN A MOMENT SHE WILL DROWN
Pearl
YES, HER FOOLISH EGOMANIA
IS LIKE THE LUSITANIA
AND BOUND TO BRING HER LITTLE DINGY DOWN, DOWN, DOWN,
All
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN
WE’LL HEAR “S O S” AND WATCH HER SONAR BLIP
Ruby
SHE’LL GO CRYIN’ THROUGH THE PARK
WHEN SHE SINKS LIKE NOAH’S ARK.
Opal
Wait…Noah’s ark didn't sink. It got stuck, up high, on a mountain, on the top of a very high mountain.
RUBY
The very top?
OPAL
Yes.
(They all look at each other and shrug.)
ALL
Doesn't matter.
All
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN,
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN
SHE’S GOIN’ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN
“WHO COULD WANT MORE?”
c) Donfeld, Powell
EVELYN (FORMERLY SARAH)
WHEN IT COMES TO LIPSTICK
I’LL FIND THE PERFECT COLOR
AUTUMN BLOOMING PEACH OR DUSTY ROSE.
WHEN IT COMES TO LIVING
MY LIFE COULD NOT BE DULLER
WHO CARES ABOUT PERFUMES AND SWANKY CLOTHES?
I'M SURE THE BLUEBLOOD LADIES WOULD AGREE,
THE STUFF THEY BUY
DOESN'T APPLY TO ME.
WANDER HOME AND FEED THE CAT.
WHO COULD WANT MORE?
GRAB THE PAPER FROM THE
STOOP
OPEN UP SOME
LIFE SHOULD BE SIMPLE
WHO COULD WANT MORE?
(J.C. re-enters, unnoticed by EVELYN.)
KEEP IT SIMPLE NIGHT TO
MORN
ONE OF LIFE’S ANOINTED.
UP AT DAWN TO FACE THE DAY.
EVERY DAY A SHADE OF GRAY
LIFE SHOULD BE SIMPLE
WHO NEEDS A WORLD TO EXPLORE?
DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.
WHO COULD WANT MORE?
“THE BEST OF FRIENDS”
c)
Donfeld/Powell
(The
debutantes)
OPAL (to
YOUR COOKING’S SO
INCREDIBLE
YOU'LL WIN ‘CAUSE YOU'RE
SO PURE
OPAL
MY OL’ FOOD IS BARELY
EDIBLE,
SO I FEED THE FILTHY POOR.
RUBY (to
YOUR PECAN PIE COULD MAKE
YOU DIE
AND STILL YOU'RE ALMOST
THIN.
YOUR ALLURE IS HARD TO
CLASSIFY
WHICH IS WHY I'M SURE
YOU'LL WIN.
ALL
HOW WILL THE VOTERS CHOOSE?
TWO OF US ARE BOUND TO LOSE
THOUGH, WHEN ALL THE HOOPLA
ENDS
WE WILL STILL BE BEST OF
FRIENDS.
RUBY (to
I hope you win.
I hope you win.
OPAL
Well, we all can’t win.
THE CRIMSON TIDE WOULD DIE
FOR YOU.
OPAL (to RUBY)
I'M SURE YOU HELP THEM SCORE.
AND THE TIGERS ALSO VIE FOR
YOU.
OPAL (to RUBY)
THOUGH I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT
A WHORE.
(short, stunned silence)
ALL
HOW WILL THE VOTERS CHOOSE?
TWO OF US ARE BOUND TO LOSE
THOUGH, WHEN ALL THE HOOPLA
ENDS
WE WILL STILL BE BEST OF
FRIENDS.
THE VERY BEST, THE VERY
BEST
THE VERY BEST OF FRIENDS!
(They dance.)
RUBY
HOW YOU DARLINGS LOVE TO
TALK AND EAT.
OPAL (to
YOUR TALENT NEVER ENDS.
LOOK AT US! WE'RE ALL
SO DOGGONE SWEET
ALL
COULDN’T BE THREE BETTER
FRIENDS.
THE VERY BEST, THE VERY
BEST
THE VERY BEST OF FRIENDS!
THE VERY BEST OF FRIENDS!
Yeah!
(reprise, later on)
RUBY
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE MOUSE
WOULD RUN
OPAL
WHO'D THINK SHE HAD THE
NERVE?
SHE COULD GET THE TITLE
WHEN SHE’S DONE,
ALL
AND
A CROWN SHE WON'T DESERVE
HOW WILL THE VOTERS CHOOSE?
THERE’S A CHANCE WE ALL
COULD LOSE.
THOUGH WHEN OUR CONNIVING
ENDS,
WE WILL STILL BE BEST
FRIENDS.
I’LL COOK THE BEST.
OPAL
BE BETTER DRESSED.
RUBY
I’LL BARE A BREAST.
(OPAL and
ALL
WE
WILL STILL BE BEST OF FRIENDS.
THE
VERY BEST OF FRIENDS.
Yeah!
“WHO INVENTED LOVE?” c) Donfeld/Powell
GLENN
I’VE ALWAYS BEEN INSPIRED
BY ENTERPRISING MINDS.
INVENTING SOMETHING GREAT
IS MY IDEAL.
AMONG MY MOST ADMIRED
ARE EDISON AND FORD
AND EVEN FERRIS; HE
IMPROVED THE WHEEL.
THERE’S LEVI STRAUSS AND
WHITNEY
AND ALEXANDER BELL.
DA VINCI’S MIND WAS
ALWAYS HEADS ABOVE.
BUT THERE’S ONE I HONOR
MOST.
YES, I’D LIKE TO RAISE A
TOAST
TO THE GENIUS WHO INVENTED LOVE.
OH, WHO INVENTED THE
FEELING
THAT SOMEHOW SOMEONE COULD
SOAR,
FLYING UP TO THE CEILING,
WITH FEET STILL DOWN ON THE
FLOOR?
WHO INVENTED ELATION,
THIS WINGING HIGH AS A
DOVE?
WHO THOUGHT UP THIS
SENSATION?
WHO INVENTED LOVE?
(GLENN picks up a mop and starts singing to it.)
DREW LIGHTNING OUT OF THE
SKY
BUT WHO WAS BLESSED WITH
THE BRAIN STORM
THAT DRAWS A GIRL TO A GUY?
OTIS TOOK ELEVATION
TO FLOORS BELOW AND ABOVE.
THAT WAS QUITE A CREATION,
BUT WHO INVENTED LOVE?
J.C.
THE WRIGHT BROTHERS FLEW
THROUGH THE BLUSTERY BLUE
BUT THEY HAD TO USE A
PLANE.
AND ZEPPELIN, TOO, HAD HIS
BLIMP DEBUT
BUT GAS PROVED TO BE A
PAIN.
GLENN (still to the mop)
CHEERS TO LOU DAGUERRE’S
SHUTTER.
HIS CAM’RA GOT OFF THE
GROUND,
BUT WHO INVENTED THIS
FLUTTER
THAT THRILLS ME WHEN
YOU’RE AROUND?
THAT FLOATED BY WITH ITS
CREW.
BUT WHO INVENTED THE
DREAMBOAT
I SEE WHEN I LOOK AT YOU?
GLENN and J.C.
WHO DEVISED THIS EMOTION
FITTING AS SNUG AS A GLOVE?
GLENN
I LIKE HIM THE MOST,
J.C.
LET’S GIVE HIM A TOAST
GLENN
BUT WHO INVENTED LOVE?
“FINALE, AN UGLY MAN” c) Donfeld/Powell
DON’T
YOU LEAVE A BIT OF LITTER,
FROM
BANANA PEELS TO GLITTER,
EVERYTHING
BELONGS THERE IN THE TRASH.
JAKE and SARAH
IF
WE FILLED YOUR HEART WITH LAUGHTER,
MAKE
US HAPPY EVERAFTER
JAKE, SARAH, J.C.
BUY
MORE TICKETS. WE COULD USE THE CASH.
DEBUTANTES
OUR
THANKS TO THOSE WHO VOLUNTEERED
TO
ACT ON OUR BEHALFS.
JAKE, J.C., TOUR GUIDE
YOU
STOLE THE LIMELIGHT, AS WE FEARED,
AND
GOT THE BIGGEST LAUGHS.
ALL
HAH!
HAH! HAH!
HAH!
HAH! HAH!
J.C.
THE
PAPARAZZI OUT IN FRONT
WOULD
LIKE YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS.
ALL
HERE’S
TO YOU!
CHEERS
TO YOU!
IT
WOULD REALLY BE A BUMMER
IF
YOU DON’T COME BACK THIS SUMMER,
TELL
YOUR FRIENDS TO JOIN US WHEN THEY CAN.
MAKE
THE
LOOK
BEYOND A PERSON’S FACE.
CELEBRATE
A TRULY UGLY MAN!
YES,
EVEN IF YOUR LOVER’S GRUESOME,
YOU
COULD MAKE AN AWESOME TWOSOME,
CELEBRATE
A TRULY UGLY MAN!
(THE END.)
